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Well, I learned something today. Apparently my son already knows about the birds and the bees. And I’ve just been schooled on exactly how I ended up with my children.

Virgil: Mom, did you know that we are your presents?

Me: Yes, I did! You are a gift from God!

Virgil: Yes! God wrapped us up in pretty boxes and He put ribbons on them. And then he gave the boxes to Jesus and Jesus got in his car and brought us to you!

Me: You know son, you’re absolutely right!

Lesson: learned. Whew. I’m glad that talk is out of the way…

Today’s Edition: Toddler grocery lists. This boy knows how to entice a mom (notice the strategic placement of vegetables on the list). This boy has my number…

Virgil: Mommy, I want to go to Walmart.

Me: You do? What for?

Virgil: I need groceries.

Me: What groceries do you need?

Virgil: Bread, Ice Cream, a Monster Truck and Peas.

Me: Well son, sounds like you’ve got your priorities straight.

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My son just informed me that my leg hair is spiky like Max-D (the monster truck). I’m sure, in his mind, this is the ultimate compliment. However…

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Phrases I have heard so far tonight:

“Mommy! I’m putting milk in baby sister’s hair!”

“Can I put this 18 wheeler in the fish tank?”

“Look mommy! I brought you a rock!”

“Mommy, I’m making a mess!”

“Mommy, can I have a chocolate vegetable?”

Needless to say, it’s only 6:45 and I’m READY for bed time.

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Sometimes, no let me correct that, all the time, my son who is now three wants to relay what he’s seeing, saw, has ever seen, or plans to ever see, many times, all throughout the day. It’s a lot like listening to a techno song remix – one incessant replay of the same dang phrase over and over again thrown on top of a beat bed that’s also incessantly repetitive and trite. Not that I don’t love my son’s stories and all… But as of late he’s taken to combining everything he’s seen and done through the day into one long stream of consciousness. It goes something like this:

Virgil: Mommy! Today at church I learned that in the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. And it was good. And he made water towers. Look at that water tower! It’s so cool! Trains say “choo choo chugga chugga chugga.” Do you like trains, mommy? Mommy, do you like trains? Mommy, do you like trains? Trains are cool. Do you like trains, Mommy? I like trains. Do you like trains mommy?

Me: Yes! I love trains!

Virgil: Choo! Choo! Chugga chugga chugga. Brrrrrrrrrrmmmmmm Monster truck just crashed! Mommy, did you see that crash? My monster truck crashed into my seat! Did you see that, mommy? Mommy, did you see that awesome crash? My monster truck just caught some awesome air. I need to tell my daddy about my monster truck crash. Daddy likes pancakes! Mommy, are you driving?

Now, having a toddler of my own, I understand why Ritalin became so popular in the nineties…

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One of the many random courses that I was required to study in my otherwise useless degree was Inter-Personal Communications. Although it had little to do with the direction I had planned to take my Communications Degree of Radio / TV / Film, this class was one of my favorites. It was taught by an atheist professor that didn’t like me and my “preachiness” (as he put it) very much. But, oddly, I really liked him. He fascinated me.

He looked almost exactly like Christopher Walken, but somehow, with an even surlier demeanor. He was dry and slightly bitter. But he was well-spoken, and despite his liberal tendencies, spoke of by-gone times and by-gone ideals for which he longed. He was a walking contradiction and I suppose that’s why he fascinated me.

I had seven courses with the man, mainly because the communications department in my university was paltry at best. (Serves me right for choosing an agricultural school to study Communications, I suppose.) Inter-Personal Communications was the very last course I took with him, in the very last semester of my college stint. One of my favorite topics we discussed in that class was the phenomenon of role-reversals in today’s society. His beef was with the fact that he couldn’t seem to get his wife to submit to him as he wished. But for me, the study opened my eyes to a big problem in society as a whole.

We are cheapening men down to nothing more than accessories and we are asking women to fulfill the roles of both the man and the woman.

Gone are the days where “father knows best.”

Go turn on your TV tonight to any current major network television show. Tell me if there is one where the father in the family (if there is even a nuclear family anymore) isn’t an idiot. I can sum up the major comedies of the last ten years like this: goofy, somewhat unattractive yet slightly endearing man meets super smokin-hot woman in college. They get married during their drug and party experimentation phase and somehow come out of it a well-rounded, happy couple. The show picks up somewhere in the middle of their child-rearing phase of life. Now the husband is fat and stupid, spending his time looking for ways to get out of annoying family expectations like, you know, dinner at the table. The wife is still smokin-hot, way too skinny to have had so many kids. Her super-mom status has her running a household, rearing the children, working full-time, and somehow still having the energy to workout like a fiend, dress to the nines, keep the house magazine-ready, cook every meal, and offer hot, steamy sex to her husband whenever the mood strikes. She is perfect and her plight is that she has to be subjected to her painfully unglamorous family. But no matter, she finds her identity in her job and that’s what keeps her sane.

Sound familiar? It’s the plot line or premise for any “family” comedy or show on TV today. And it’s quite telling of the role-reversal phenomenon of modern times. Here’s a fun experiment for you: go turn on your TV. Now just watch commercials. See if you can find even one where the man is portrayed as the head of the house. Even cleaning commercials make men look like a bunch of imbeciles, for goodness sake. Gone are the days where “father knows best.” Instead, father is a gamer who drinks too much beer and resorts to asking his wife what to do and how to think. Mother is the head of the household today. And somehow she is supposed to both manage a perfect family and hate the concept of staying at home all at the same time.

Today’s woman is expected to have a perfect body, perfect home, perfect children who NEVER act up in public, and a husband who shuts up and knows his place. And today’s husband has little more expectation than to sit back and watch it all happen, beer in hand.

Bottom line: we are becoming a generation of sissies who shouldn’t be allowed to call themselves men, and a generation of women with unreasonable, unattainable expectations. And it’s destroying our society.

It’s high time we get back to the Biblical principles of the nuclear family, where the man is the head of the household and the woman submits to him. I know submission is a dirty word to most women today. But submission doesn’t mean, “Yes, sir. Whatever you say, sir.” It doesn’t mean you don’t have an opinion, ladies. On the contrary, it means that your opinion, along with your husband’s, is submitted to Christ. And it means that together, you seek His will for your home.

Submission is impossible for a woman when she’s married to a boy.

Submission isn’t abuse. It isn’t for a by-gone time. It isn’t outdated and embarrassing. It’s life-giving and absolutely necessary if we are going to experience the fullness and joy that is supposed to come with marriage.

But that’s just it – we’ve lost the concept of marriage, too. Marriage is no longer a life-long commitment before God. Now it’s a “as long is it’s easy” half promise before friends. And that comes from the fact that we’ve stopped asking men to be men and started asking women to do it all, perfectly, without mistake or complaint.

The thing about submission is that it brings about a partnership between the husband and wife. The thing about submission is that it means that neither of you is facing life alone. You are in this together, you are working together, under Christ, to face the trials, the joys, the losses, the triumphs life brings. The thing about submission is that it is absolutely imperative to success in marriage.

But submission is impossible for a woman when she’s married to a boy. But it’s awesome, fun, exciting, sexy, and downright unbelievable when she’s married to a man.

So men, step up. Put down your game controllers and be the man in your home. Love your wife the way Christ loves the church. Put her on a pedestal and revere her as the beautiful woman she is. And lead her in Godliness with the Holy Spirit as your guide.

And women, learn to submit to your husband, even if he’s not “submit-worthy” just yet. The humility that comes from doing what the Bible teaches even when it’s not easy will bless your marriage more than you can imagine right now. And stand by and watch the fruit that comes of it.

And parents, step up and rear your sons to be gentlemen and your daughters to be ladies. Don’t shy away from chivalry and manners. Don’t be slow to ask your sons to step up and take responsibility for things around the house. Don’t be hesitant to ask your daughters to be lady-like. Teach your sons that a woman’s worth is in her heart, not her cup size. Teach your daughters the same. Give your children real responsibilities and expectations. Let them fail. And then use failures as learning opportunities, not belittlement opportunities.

If we can get our homes back on track, the rest of the world will get back on track, too. In fact, most problems of the world (if not all) stem from the home. Want to reverse the trends of socialism so prevalent today? Teach your kids to take responsibility for their actions, pride in their work, and face consequences with grace. Want to teach the world that they need Jesus? Teach your children. Consequently, you can’t teach what you don’t know, so make sure you’re not setting expectations in your home that you’re not meeting yourself.

That’s our job as believers – to start in our own homes. And that starts with a long, hard look at ourselves and what we need to get right with God, submit to Him fully, and let Him change in our way of thinking. After all, if we, this generation, don’t, who will?

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. – Romans 12:1-2

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly. Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged… Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ. Colossians 3:18-20, 23-24